A challenge for today’s yoga practice: Let life be as it is. Let your bones, your muscles, your coordination, your strength, your concentration, your motivation be as they are. Say yes to them. Check this out and see what happens.
The pain of loss, the space of love.
My very dear auntie passed away yesterday. The pain took me by surprise and I covered it with emotional upset. I am now beginning to connect to a more spacious and more loving place. I feel thankful and deeply humbled by this reminder of constant change and transformation. Om Om Om. Peace Peace Peace.
In Blackwater Woods by Mary Oliver
Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars
of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,
the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders
of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is
nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned
in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side
is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.
Seng-Ts’an
Hsin Hsin Ming The Great Way is not difficult * The Way is perfect like vast space * Do not remain in the dualistic state; When no discriminating thoughts arise, * To live in the Great Way * Obey the nature of things [your own nature], * Rest and unrest derive from illusion; * If the eye never sleeps, Consider movement stationary * For the unified mind in accord with the Way * To come directly into harmony with this reality * Emptiness here, Emptiness there, * One thing, all things: * Words! |
Adam Green – A Sunday Morning Poem
I heard this for the first time on Sunday and I loved it… (or did I love the man, who looks between hassidic and Mexican). I immediately associated this song (and the whole record which is just great) with Serge Gainsbourg, Francoise Hardy, Nancy Sinatra, Paris and of course, my brother Beto, who introduced me to all those romantic guys. Happy birthday bro, I love you.
The funny side of insomnia
When I was studying my Master’s of Performance and Culture and living in East London, I experienced a very intense yet (thank goodness) short period of insomnia. Though it was then that I truly started to practice, research and appreciate the infallible, multilayered Yoga Nidra, I must confess it was not fun. However, I have discovered that a lot of writers have suffered from insomnia, and have written about it, surprisingly finding the funny side of it:
Nighttime is really the best time to work. All the ideas are there to be yours because everyone else is asleep. Catherine O’Hara
How do people go to sleep? I am afraid I’ve lost the knack. Dorothy Parker
The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible. Jean Kerr
The day is my enemy, the night my friend, for I’m always so alone till the day draws to an end Ella Fitzgerald
I would like to offer a tip to beat insomnia. Begin to observe the natural flow of breath, as best you can. Once you settle the breath begin to count your breaths from 27 downwards to 0. Inhalation an exhalation count as one breath. You can say to yourself the body is breathing in 27, the body is breathing out, and so on and so forth. You can also count from 100 downwards to 0, depending on how you feel. When you lose count go back to 27 or 100. I had a friend who happened to have a book by Swami Satyananda at his home in Norway and I was lucky enough to read this piece of advice on beating insomnia.
Nurturing the Self Workshop 23 August Isle of Skye
Which artists do you most admire?
Those working in unsung art forms, like synchronised diving and acrobalance. For me, their commitment and poetry of movement is every bit as articulate as “To be, or not to be”. A quote by actor-director Kathryn Hunter (the full interview is here).
On spontaneity and risk-taking
Today was a glorious day and as I was walking though the Meadows in Edinburgh, I saw a group of people practicing Capoeira and so I stood looking for a moment at all the movements and the amazing pirouettes, kicks, summersaults and hand stands. Not very far from them was another spectator, who was about 4 years old. He was doing the same moves with his small hands and legs. Coincidentally on the other side of the Meadows another little boy was practicing wheel pose and he was trying to come back to headstand and do a backflip but he failed. So he tried again and failed and tried again; which of course reminds me of Samuel Beckett’s phrase “Fail again, fail better”. What was so beautiful about this was to see the freedom to take risks, the lack of fear and the trust in himself and the trust in his body. As adults we become more fearful, less free and we take less risks if any at all. Perhaps we need to connect more often to that deep sense of trust in ourselves that kids have in abundance
Photo by Andrea Cañón http://www.andreacanon.com
Björk on (basically) hibernation as a form of healing
Like many people of my age, I was a big Björk fan in the 90s. I went to see this bubble of electric energy for the first time at Roskilde festival near Copenhagen 10 years ago or so and she played with Matmos, who produced all sorts of micro sounds and sampled them live. It just blew the whole crowd away. She was the artist who closed the festival and there were silvery fireworks in the form of huge stars on the sky when her concert finished. It was totally surreal and a huge birthday present for me (I had to work at a bakery as a volunteer but because it was my birthday the boss gave me permission to go).
Although I have not been following most of the work she has done in the last years, I realised that she is doing amazing things in terms of music education, combining science, apps and music to teach children (and I guess adults like me who are musically illiterate) different musical concepts such as counterpoint. Because she is such a genius I thought she was kind of invincible and full of energy all the time, so it came as a surprise to hear what she said about the creation of her album Vespertine in the midst of a more fragile phase of her life:
I was aiming for how you can express yourself when you are absolutely ah.. you exploded 5000 times and there’s nothing left and you’re just lying there like the ruins of you but you still want to make something but you have no muscle, you have no blood, and you still want to create beauty, so you end up using instruments like harps, micro beats and whisper. So you are creating music with no physicalness with no body. That’s supposed to kind of calm you and soothe you. Like hibernation to wait until, to help you to wait until you become strong again. (From documentary Minuscule)
It is extremely interesting to know how someone manages during periods of low energy in the creative process. I have met artists who at some point in their career feel at a loss when their energy starts to change. It is not surprising to see this happen as artists invest so much emotional energy into their work and processes. Björk’s attitude is tremendously inspirational. She transforms the idea of low energy into subtle energy and thus produces and explores a whole different range of sound.
Whisper as an instrument of hibernation is also a yoga practice. There are actually 3 different ways to explore Om chanting as a form of meditation, chanting out loud, whispering and silently repeating the mantra. Funnily enough whispering is said to be the most difficult form but when we feel a little bit depleted it is a very soothing and subtly energising meditation practice.
Befriending your feelings
Have you ever found yourself asking the question “why do I feel so tired? You can take a deep breath and know that you are not alone. I have never talked about this on this blog but I suffered from sleepiness and tiredness. When I told my GP about the tiredness he asked me: “Do you have a problem with self-esteem?” and I answered “Yes, I have a problem, I have a lot of self-esteem” and we both laughed. Feeling sleepiness is pretty uncomfortable, but I discovered that actually, there is something that makes things even worse; and that is thinking: “Why me?” “Why do I feel sleepy? Why am I tired” “Why am I not full of energy like I used to be?” Of course all these thoughts are attempts to solve the “problem” but they work like the double arrow that produces double pain, more sleepiness, more sluggishness and sometimes despair of Morrysseyesque dimensions: “there must be something horribly wrong with me“.
Although I had never considered I had a problem of self-esteem, I realised that the rumination that the mind creates around the sleepiness is a form of self-demeaningness that certainly does not help me feel more awake and it certainly does not help me feel better. The reactivity does not help to bring healing, but approaching the raw sensations of sleepiness, tiredness and sluggishness with non-attachment does help. I close my eyes to connect and experience the sensations very directly. I observe. Whenever the commentary starts I also observe. I try to see the harsh comments as part of the rumination and I step back. I then open my eyes and continue with whatever I am doing. By allowing myself to pause for a moment I am establishing a conscious relationship with the sleepiness and the tiredness and I give myself the opportunity to find a space where I am not that and therefore I can connect more deeply to who I am.
A few years ago I met Alejandro Jodorowsky -the craziest and most creative film maker, psycho magician, actor and tarot expert in the planet- and I told him about my the tiredness. “Can you see that the tiredness is your friend? It is trying to tell you something. It is reminding you that you are alive and it is sending signals to you. Are you happy doing the things that you do? Start doing the things that you like doing. Tiredness is your friend. Befriend your tiredness”.
I must say that it takes courage and it takes discipline and practice to befriend your feelings and to really stop asking yourself questions about them; especially if you studied your whole life to think critically about everything (yep, I specialised in Literary Criticism). But guess what? the more you practice friendliness towards feeling in meditation, the easier it becomes to not take things personally. When the feeling starts creeping up I begin to also notice that I have spent far too much time indoors so I go for a walk and come back feeling refreshed. Walking in nature (in my case the Meadows) makes you feel more connected with the world around you and less separate, less important. It is funny but I am discovering that self-demeaningness is actually another form of inflated ego and that is enough material for another post so I will just finish with a quote:
Wisdom tells me I am nothing, love tells me I am everything; between the two my life flows. Nisargadatta Maharaj
